Just as I think I'm on the path to self discovery, I find myself a little lost, caught up in the haze of Berlin's nightlife. So many plans for the weekend, all lost to too many drinks & the snooze button. I can't say I regret it, but equally, I think I've come to realise, that perhaps the things I tried to leave behind, were left there for a reason, a damn good one.
I do not miss overinflated entry fees to smoky dank clubs, where being intoxicated on a combination of chemical substances is a prerequisite. Or finding myself sharing a cubicle in the women's toilets with the local drug dealer. These are not my finest moments & act as a stark reminder of the kinds of craziness I left behind.
I have a good sense of direction, but it seems I am easily distracted & have a tendency to find myself adrift at times, rehashing old destructive behaviour. I could easily have fallen back into very negative old ways this weekend, but if anything, it has reaffirmed the changes I've been attempting to implement. That's the thing though, it's okay to fall down on the way to a better destination.
The trips & stumbles aren't the issue, it's learning from those minor setbacks, not getting discouraged & trying again that's important. I want to be a clean living vegan yogi & damn it, I'm not afraid to put it out there. I care about myself & the environment. I want to do good things & be a good person. I'm passionately curious & vehemently determined to make something good happen in my life.
I want to be the best version of myself I can be & despite my natural ability to be exceptionally self-critical, I have to accept that the path to a better existence may take time & a fair few hangovers along the way. It's important to remember that regardless of where you're at, what you've done, or where you aim to be, it's never too late to make a positive change.
Starting first thing tomorrow, I'm off to seek out the elusive Yellow-Yoga centre, with my new friend Lucy & begin my yogi transformation. 'Breath in the positivity, exhale the negativity.' I aim to get back into eating clean & molding my body into a toned temple, ready for the summer & having finally resolved some issues with exes this weekend, including Beard, I feel ready to finally move on & make room in my life & my heart for the right person. It's time to let go of the past, feel excited for the future & embrace the present.
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