{Insightful Sunday} Be who you are.

I've been thinking a lot lately about self-identity & individuality.  For me, growing up, I always felt I had strong inclinations towards certain things, that others were not in the slightest bit interested in.  For instance, I was the only kid in class who liked listening to Nat King Cole, I was delighted when the school started a chess club & I wore my bright yellow DMs with pride every 'own clothes day', despite the sniggers.

I grew up with, not only a strong sense of self, but also, my parents' encouragement for me to 'do what feels right,' regardless of what others are doing.  Having parents who, by other people's standards, were considered 'hippies', I grew up believing in a lot of things people didn't understand & others would simply laugh at.  Manifesting, higher dimensions, spirits, the power of crystals.  You name it, I probably grew up on it.

Of course, back in my day, the other kids at school didn't understand half of these things & so, for the most part, I kept that aspect of my personality quiet.  I would spend time with friends, but then relish time to myself, where I could do my own thing & keep to my own thoughts.  It's probably only been this past year or so, that I've found more & more like minded, or just open minded, people, who I've been able to share these beliefs/interests with.  

Which has been really pleasurable for me, to be able to be open & not constantly self-editing what I can & can't say, for fear of people's reaction.  I think it's terribly sad when, you have a view point, or an interest in something, that is so different from the norm, that you end up quashing it, in case people disagree, or don't understand.  We live in a society that acts as though it's a school playground, everyone constantly vying for attention & acceptance.  Everyone wants to be the cool kid.

We see something on Instagram & suddenly we want it, we want that person's life, their wardrobe, their two thousand followers.  But that's just it, isn't it, we're following someone else, forgetting what makes us happy as individuals.  Rejecting our own choices, in search of someone else's.  Forgetting who we are entirely.  Even I find myself getting lifestyle envy looking through my IG homepage.  Sighing that, whilst I may be in Rome, someone else is in Greece & whilst I may have a deep tan, someone else has skinnier legs.

We've been sucked into conforming without even realising it!  Brainwashed by social media.  It used to be a case of magazines feeding us with subliminal messages, now it's everywhere & with a phone addiction that's strong enough to bring on a mail check every two minutes (just in case, something came through in the last ten seconds since you put your phone down), we're hard pushed to escape its clutches.

I for one want to rediscover what makes me tick, like my love of menswear & skateboards.  Rose quartz.  Always giving in to the desire to, quite literally, stop & smell the roses.  Listening to Ella Fitzgerald.  Getting overly excited about tattoo possibilities.  Harassing my astrologer mother for information & insight.  Touching everything, so I know how it feels, the texture, the shape.  Attempting to fill my brain with more Italian words.  All the little idiosyncrasies that make me me.

Maybe it's time we all put our phones away & rediscover our own homepage.

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{Insightful Sunday} Intuition

Recently, a very good friend of mine got engaged, to someone she's been in love with for over a decade.  Sounds ideal, right, except, their love story is one riddled in complication & only really came to fruition just over a year ago.  You see, for those ten long years, she was actually in a relationship with someone else, his best friend to be precise.

Lacking the courage to untangle herself from her steady relationship & risk destroying a friendship, she had conceded to the fact that the feelings she felt, would simply never be explored.  That was until, her relationship finally broke down & a healthy time later, she found out that her object of desire had been harbouring feelings of his own.  One year later he popped the question & here we are at their current engagement.

The point to this story is; when you know, you just know.  So why do we waste so much time ignoring our intuition.  A lot of the time, despite our intuitive thoughts & feelings, we still seem to go against the grain & find ourselves doing what's logical, rather than what actually feels right.  Yet, afterwards, we wonder why we're unhappy & things haven't worked out in our favour.

A lot of it, I think, is about trust, as in the trust that we place in ourselves & our decision making capabilities.  It's like when you had a niggling feeling about taking that job, yet, it was more money & looked great on paper, so you figured it was the best move.  Now you sit at your desk wanting to gouge your eye out with a pencil, wondering why you feel so unfulfilled.

How many times have you, like me, barraged people with questions on what they think you should be doing, or where you should be heading, only to feel dissatisfied & disgruntled, because ultimately, you were looking for someone to reiterate your own thoughts & feelings, which you can't seem to trust to be right.

When we take the time to listen to ourselves, we realise, we don't even have to ask the questions, because we already know the answers.  What we seem to be lacking is a little conviction.  We need to start trusting our own judgement, rather than continually looking for validation in others.

Sometimes of course, it's about courage, going against society's imposed rules & restrictions, on what you should or shouldn't be doing.  It's not easy to stand against a crowd, or perhaps even your own family & admit to wanting to do things differently, but that's the point, isn't it.  How many other people are unhappy & unfulfilled, simply because they haven't found the courage within themselves to make a break & take a chance.  To follow their heart's desire & do what feels right, for them.

Now is the time to make a change, because essentially, all life is, is now.  Right now.  Take the time to sit & listen to yourself, because the everyday noise of the world can be deafening.  Really begin to understand what it is that makes you happy, figure out what drives you & what it is that you really want.  Because, it's about how you feel on the inside that matters, not how things appear on the surface.

So press delete on every doubt you have & when your gut gives you direction, follow it.

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{Insightful Sunday} Gratitude

If my journey over the past year has taught me anything, it's to be grateful for what you have, rather than wasting energy worrying about the things you feel you lack.  I think, to a degree, we are all quick to criticise, both ourselves, our lives & of course, others.  Filling our time obsessing over the things we don't have, perhaps things that others possess & feeling as though we are incomplete in some way.

I felt as though, in the past, I spent a lot of my time wasting energy worrying or obsessing over all of my faults, all the things I felt myself & my life lacked.  However, speaking with people during my travels, people from varying backgrounds & countries, has really helped to give me perspective.  It's made me realise that perhaps happiness is not obtainable through striving for a particular thing, such as a house, a car, a career, etc. but perhaps happiness is obtainable more so from the appreciation of what you already possess.

I've come to realise that when I look back at my life, I have been exceptionally privileged, even perhaps when I thought I was deprived.  I hate to think of all the times I've complained, or felt incomplete in some way, because I didn't have this, or I hadn't had that.  When I look at the world, I see it with new eyes.  They are open & they do not shy away.  They see the suffering & they see the joy that can come from the smallest of things.  They have a new perspective.

Currently, I have no fixed income, no car, no home, very few possessions, but, I have people around me who support & love me unconditionally & with open hearts, I've been able to travel the globe & experience new cultures, take in new views, I have my health, my freedom, a roof over my head, food in my belly & clothes on my back.  Regardless of all the things I do not possess, all the things I seemingly lack, I am happy & I am content & most importantly, I am grateful.

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