I often sit & visualise my dreams, they can feel so incredibly real, in fact, one time, I was meditating & saw myself in my dream Paris apartment, the patio doors open, the light beaming in, the distant sound of traffic humming by, birds calling & I honestly felt as though, if I opened my eyes, I would be there. It felt so real. I am a huge believer of 'if you can see it, it can happen', you can materialise your dreams.
Unfortunately though, despite my strong belief & the fact that this theory has been proven to me time & time again, I still sometimes find myself in a perilous, anxiety ridden state of mind. Although I am filled with hope & eternal optimism, I am often wracked with self-doubt, unable to make even the simplest decisions. I feel terrible for my friends & mère, who so often receive fraught messages from me, having a complete meltdown.
But, trusting in your direction in life, is hard at times. Being out there, on your own, the only one who truly sees what you see, who wants what you want, trusting in yourself, that you can achieve these things, that you can make it happen, it's hard. Having that much faith in yourself, it's not easy. I for one fall apart at the merest whiff of failure.
I have to constantly tell myself it'll all be okay, that I'm heading in the right direction, even if I can't always see the road. Continually trying to find the courage to trust in life, that things will unfold naturally in good time & that I don't need to force things. Everything that has happened, up until now, has proven this theory, which makes my constant freak-outs so perplexing.
I think letting go, 'free-falling', abandoning our head, in order to follow our heart & our gut, can be terrifying. Let's face it, that's not what, we as a society, have been taught. We're constantly being told to be logical, to have a plan. Well, I say fuck the plan! Screw mass thinking. Sometimes, we have to be brave, go against the grain & do our own thing. Because, in the end, it's our life, our happiness. Who cares what other people think, they're not the ones feeling hemmed in by restraints, restraints we seem to solely put upon ourselves, through our fears.
I'm tired of falling apart for no good reason. Casting shadows over my own hope. I for one am going to meditate more, trust more & be brave! If life has taught me anything, it's to have a little faith.
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