{Lately on Instagram}

It's funny how things can turn around so dramatically.  In just a matter of a few weeks, I have gone from feeling overwhelmingly anxious and low, kinda questioning as to whether it was the right time to come home or not, to skipping down the street and pirouetting around my bedroom, high on chunks of chocolate and yogic calm.  I guess that's the roller coaster life is at times.

In the past week, I have, as previously mentioned, returned once again to my yoga mat, which I am so thankful for, as it really has grounded me and helped to bring me out of my winter's funk in a big way!

I finally moved into an apartment a few weeks ago, over in Friedrichshain, sharing with a couple of guys from Munich, which I'm really loving.  It's just until the spring, but it's giving me four blissful months of settlement and plenty of time to seek out my own perfect apartment to lease for the year.  I cannot describe how grateful I am to all of the people who helped me out with somewhere to stay over the summer, but it has to be said, that sleeping on floors, sofas and spare beds, moving about from neighbourhood to neighbourhood every other week, with all my luggage, was starting to get tiring, especially once the weather turned.  Ideally, I would love to be in my own apartment right now, with Mr Pig back by my side, but I've come to accept that some things just take time and I need to be patient.  At the end of the day, the best things are worth the wait.

After two years of growing out the undercut I so ruthlessly shaved into the side of my head, I popped into a hair salon round the corner from home the other day and had them shave a brutally short triangular chunk out of the back of my mane.  It's hard to get a good shot of it on my own, but I think it looks cool and I'm really pleased with it.  I genuinely hate getting my hair cut and I shamefully only get a trim twice a year, but I have to say, it was quite refreshing to walk out with a fresh blunt cut, having finally shed all of those frazzled ends.  The next thing I want to do is get it coloured.  It's been two whole years and counting since I stopped dying my hair and whilst I'm impressed with my will power and the fact that it's now in relatively good condition, I'm just super bored with my mousy brown blandness.  I'm thinking it's time for an ombre grey wash!  New year, new hair!

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Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

After a sleepless night, which lead to a few missed alarm calls, I found myself running late for yoga yesterday afternoon and panicking that I'd end up crammed in a tight corner by the door, getting cold from the draught, I ended up walking at great pace through the rain, between train rides, attempting to make it to class on time.  Yet, by the time I finally did arrive, out of breath and entirely flustered, incredibly, I was somehow early, which then only served to make me annoyed for having stressed myself out rushing in the first place!

Alas, I caught my breath and stripped off my layers and as I did so, I looked up to see the most glorious of sights; the first few flakes of winter's snow, falling gracefully from the sky and landing softly on the courtyard ground outside.

Now, admittedly, I've been a complete Grinch since I got back from France and the bitterness of Berlin's winter was certainly breaking my spirit rather brutally for a while, but seeing those little flecks of white happily dancing outside the window, set off a little spark of holiday spirit in my icy cold heart.  It really did.  I even almost wept a little.  Although, let's face it, I think everything makes me cry these days.

I haven't bought Christmas cards or presents for a few years now, as I'm completely over the commercialism of Christmas, against peer pressured consumerism and yes, probably a bit of a Grinch, but I did find some very festive German Christmas cards the other day, so, clearly in a good mood, I bought a few (attempting not to wince at the ridiculousness of how much they cost) and am going to actually make the effort to send them out to a special few people.

In fact, if it didn't cost so ruddy much, I admittedly would buy more cards, simply because, in truth, there is a rather large list of people who really are special to me and who I feel I owe a great thanks to.  Over the past eighteen months, there have been so many people who have gone out of their way to help me and I really would not have made it through, what has ended up being, the toughest time of my life...but that's another post entirely.

For now, I am simply happy that I am starting to feel the teeny tiny tingle of what could end up being my festive cheer!

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Yogi body, yogi mind.

I've said it before and damn it, I'll say it again, yoga heals all wounds!  When I first moved to Berlin from France, on an intuitive hunch, I knew I liked the city, but it wasn't until I began my yoga practice here, that I truly fell in love with the place.

I've done yoga sporadically since I was fourteen; from Hatha to Ashtanga and even some Bikram out in the Spanish mountains, in a cave no less, but the centre I go to here, Yellow Yoga, offers a wide range of variations and it's been through doing Vinyasa that I've wound up finding my peace.

I properly began practicing back in May, when I first moved and it quickly became my daily routine, making sure to attend a ninety minute class, every day, six days a week.  I found that doing it regularly really made the difference.  It helped ground me and clear my mind, when I had a lot of questions, doubts and uncertainties about life.  In fact, I think I can count on one hand, the amount of classes I managed to get through without crying!

Sadly though, by the time the heat began to fade and my bicycle got kidnapped by strangers, my practice began to slow down to back-to-back classes, (Vinyasa followed by Yin) just a few times a week, before I eventually ceased attending class altogether in September, which ended up being such a hard month for me.  I was suffering from a heartache like no other and whilst in truth, that was when I needed time on the mat more than ever, I simply couldn't face it and instead chose to hide away, suffering from a horrendous bout of insomnia and struggling to keep a dry eye.

Unfortunately, I realised recently that it was starting to become hard to think straight and keep focused on things.  My positivity levels had dropped into the red, my sleep pattern was entirely off kilter and I generally just felt out-of-tune and sluggish.  Combine all of that with the winter blues and I think it's safe to say, that I was heading for a fall down the rabbit hole into bleak depression!

Now, I'm not gonna say that I think there's one solution for everybody, but I myself have certainly come to recognise what I need in life and I need yoga!  I need that little bit of time to myself each day, where I can sit and focus, without distraction.  I need that little bit of structure and routine to my day.  My body needs that stretch.  My mind needs that clearing and yes, my eyes sometimes need to cry.

So, after more than three months away from the studio, I actually danced around my bedroom with over exaggerated excitement on Sunday night, when mère's partner G messaged me to say he'd gifted me a pass for the month.  I went straight back to class yesterday and cried tears of joy, when my favourite teacher gasped 'YOU'RE BACK!' and then ran over and hugged me!  I'd almost forgotten how much I missed my yogi community!

After ninety minutes of meditation and stretching, I came out feeling completely centred and remembering once again why I fell in love with this city!  It sounds like such a simple, inane thing, but it's surprising just how much of a difference it makes.  I finally feel grounded again, my positivity has returned, I feel like I've gained some perspective and as ridiculously shallow as it sounds, I have to admit that I love how the gold mat mère bought me for my birthday back in July, now goes so luxuriously with my giant black faux fur stole!  I smiled gleefully carrying it in my arms on the U-Bahn there and back.

Okay winter, I am equipped to handle you now, so show me what you've got!

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