{Lately on Instagram}

Is it just me, or are the weeks flying by like days?  I'm sure it was only Saturday a minute ago!  Although, having said that, January feels as though it has been the longest month.  I guess it always does though.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I mean, I'm really looking forward to Spring and of course Summer, more than you know, but at the same time, I can't help but feel conscious of how quickly time passes and I don't want to wish it away.  Not at all.  In fact, I'm trying to soak in every moment as much as is humanly possible.

Last week felt like such a blur of activity and thus, this week seemed quintessentially subdued by comparison.  In truth, I spent a large part of it gently going through the motions; eating, grocery shopping, film watching, doing yoga and of course, my favourite activity, sleeping!  It was a gentle and relaxing few days to myself, yet when a friend asked me what I'd done, answering 'not much really', admittedly made me feel a little self-conscious at first, but then I had to question why.  Because for me, the most important thing in life is simply to be happy and happiness of course, is a unique thing.  Everyone finds it in varying guises.

Personally, there are times when I am keen to be very social and then there are other times, when I simply prefer my solitude.  Then there are moments I find myself wanting to be active, followed by periods whereby I would rather be still.  I think these juxtapositions are most likely applicable to the majority of people and I believe that to appreciate and honour these differing moods, is both important and key to finding and maintaining happiness.  Because, if we're constantly attempting to adapt our behaviour, so that it can be deemed acceptable by others, then we'll never truly find acceptance with ourselves and it is that very acceptance, that creates a sense of harmony in our lives.  A feeling of which we need, in order to maintain our very happiness.

So, after spending a large part of the week silently ambling through the days, I found myself at Neue Heimat's Jazzy Berlin Jam Session on Friday night, drinking red wine (my first drink in eight months), listening to good music and chatting incessantly with friends.  Cue late night walks in the snow, rolling in at 4am and a Saturday, that's been heavily disguised as a Sunday.  I think it was a good end to a long month in fairness.  Roll on February, that's what I say!

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{Lately on Instagram}

Remember in the Spring and Summer months last year, when life was all bicycle rides, reading in parks, falling in love and eating cake with friends at cute cafes?  Yeah, I miss those months.  They were great, weren't they.  Now that we're in the depths of Winter, whilst admittedly a mild one, it seems as though all the romanticism that I know life has to offer, has dissipated and left only the dregs to cling to.

Each and every morning (in all honesty, I use the term 'morning' very loosely here), I find myself struggling more and more, to throw back the duvet and force myself out of bed and into the frosty antarctic, that has become the Berlin apartment I inhabit.  When I eventually do manage to encourage myself to peel away the layers, I then face the somewhat gruesome battle of the bathroom.  Stripping my clothes off and hopping in the shower, provokes intense wincing and I equally grimace every time I go to get dressed, finding myself pulling on the same damn pair of DM's, I've been sporting for the past two years now.  Did I happen to mention how much I loathe Winter?  Because I do, I really, really do.

I admire anyone who is able to thrive in this environment.  Those that embrace the cold and are able to find sartorial comfort.  Unfortunately, the majority of my wardrobe is currently made up of thin sheer blouses, loose fitting T-shirts and vintage leather running shorts.  This does not a winter ensemble make and thus, I am finding the perpetual uniform of boots, jeans and sweaters achingly dire and misery inducing.

I am attempting to make the most of these grim dark days though, honestly I am.  For starters, I've invested in lots of deliciously scented candles (found for a mere few cents down at Rossmann), which are helping to give my bedroom a cosy, softly lit atmosphere, in the evening, as I usually huddle for dear life next to the radiator, wrapped up in my pyjamas.  I also bought a few more pens for my Mandala colouring book, because as far as I'm concerned, spending evenings listening to jazz whilst colouring in, is perfectly acceptable as you approach thirty.  I also received a much appreciated care package, from Mère and G this week, which included a couple of my favourite DVDs - A Single Man and Amélie.  So, nights in are pretty prepped.

As far as venturing out though, I have been forcing myself to do that more too, as I know how much of a hermit I have a tendency to become in the Winter and really, whilst it's perfectly acceptable and even indeed, somewhat necessary at times to take a back seat and enjoy some solitude, I think there is a limit and after the quietude of Christmas, I was certainly reaching crisis point when it came to my own company!

Thus, on top of my usual yoga schedule (which I have tried not to get too fanatical about), this past week I have: made friends and gone for falafel with a bearded vegan New Yorker from yoga, taken a trip to Markthalle Nuen's Thursday Street Food Market, to indulge in my favourite Bao Burger, with a cute German man shape for company, taken strolls around Friedrichshain with my Australian friend, happily stumbling across an awesome new cupcake cafe on Krossener Straße in the process, which happens to offer a plethora of vegan options to rival the Cupcake Cafe in Margate (if you haven't been yet, you really should) and, after exchanging emails during last summer, finally met and made friends with my fellow Brit, now Berlin neighbour and editor of the dope ass Shlur magazine, over a glass of wasser in one of our many local bars.

This weekend is looking to be equally as packed, as I am continually attempting to find new things to do, in order to stop myself stagnating indoors.

What about you guys, got any plans?

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{Lately on Instagram}

December, the season of goodwill to all men and all those other seemingly poetic notions.  Admittedly, in the past, I have been somewhat dedicated to the insertion of Christmas cheer, but, in truth, these last few years have slowly but surely seen me lose all connection to the holidays and now, it appears I am the epitome of the Grinch.

I think, in part, it's mostly to do with my annoyance that a large part of society don't seem to take this loving feeling and implement it into their daily lives, all year round.  I mean, why do we need an excuse to be kind and generous?  Surely that should be our daily mantra!  Equally, I don't want to have to feel socially pressured to do anything, especially things such as gift giving or card sending and I particularly hate the idea of forcing myself to be 'merry' and spend time with or speak to 'family', whom for the most part, act like complete strangers for the other 364 fucking days of the year.

My previous enjoyment of the holidays have really always come down to simply a vibe; watching Christmas movies, cooking up a feast and generally feeling a little warmer inside, but in truth, I feel as though, over the past few years, I've woken up to a lot of life's illusions; the things that are so engrained in our lives, that we stop questioning them and because of that, I really just can't reconnect with my old thinking anymore.  Okay yes, it's true, I'm a complete over-thinker, but honestly, I'd rather that, than be asleep, living out of habit, unconsciously repeating myself.

I mean, you know that come down you feel when you know the holidays are over and you witness the tree coming down?  Yeah, that.  I truly believe, that if you filled your everyday life with merriment, you'd happily remove the tinsel and start getting excited about January and if you did more of what you loved throughout the year, I reckon you'd almost look forward to heading back to work, because you'd probably be making money doing something fulfilling, not just something that paid the bills.

I think the reason why I find the holidays hard and in truth, I do, is because I see how people change, how they come together, how they cling so fiercely to those few weeks of festive fueled happiness and it reminds me of how many people still haven't worked out, that the other eleven months of the year should feel like that.

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