I will not give up my lovers
I will not give up my love
I will not condemn my body
To a life devoid of touch
I refuse to take your shame
I give you back your guilt
You robbed me of my choice
But I will never let you win
#18
I smell of sex
But the room's gone cold
And I think of you and not him
Those sweet little kisses
In the heat of the moment
Had been filled with such sorrow and sin
Now my body's pulsating
Yet I'm full of self-loathing
Seems I'd sought comfort in the touch of his skin
My naked intentions
Lay strewn on the floor
This was always a battle I couldn't win
Now here we are
In the cold aftermath
Entangled in guilt twisted limbs
#17
There's a void in me like a chasm
Ever expanding
And all the richness of the universe falls right in
Lost to the abyss of a mind so dark and deep
Its boundaries seem limitless
And all those hopes and prayers
Softly whispered in so many moments of despair
Are swallowed and consumed
Reformed and remoulded in my womb
Giving light in desperate times
When laughter sadly turned to cries
Of longing for an anchor long since raised
I am adrift
Floating hopelessly towards a better day
#16
I get undressed in front of the man that I'm dating
And he asks about the fist-sized bruise on my thigh
I say it's called 'I have a history of violence'
I say it's called 'I have a history of silence'
I say it's called 'Internalised rage'
I say it's called 'My body often feels like a cage'
I say it's called 'Here is the mark of my anger'
I say it's called 'Here is a sign of despair'
I say it's called 'I may never be healed'
I say it's called 'Please don't judge me today'
#15
Come home
Come home to my embrace
Let me once again wrap my legs around your waist
Come back
Come back into my arms
Let my fingers trace the outline of your scars
Come lay
Come lay beside my skin
Let us meet in dreams and forget our earthly sins
Come talk
Come talk again with me
Let us share our hopes, our fears, our dreams
Come home
Please come home to me
Let me remind you of how we used to be
#14
The cracks begin to show again
And I slowly slip away
I wish that you would let me go
For the darkness calls my name
It promises me sweet relief
It offers me a home
My cracks are breaking open
And I wish you'd let me go
#13
Oh dark night, I taste sweet sorrow on my lips
It seems I have been kissed by the jagged edge of brokenness
And from its cuts, my blood runs clear
My joy long lost to the bitterness of fear
And now I hear the call of death knocking at my door
A raspy tapping I have heard many times before
It's apparent hope could only ever have been fleeting
For a heart that's long since stopped its beating
#12
There's an emptiness that lingers
There's a pain that dwells inside
From all the heartache that you've suffered
From all the hurt you've tried to hide
But all those lessons that you've learnt
Wrapped in bitterness and tears
Are getting harder to accept
As your hope gets rattled by your fears
And with every failed endeavour
Heart always shattered in your hand
You grow more broken and alone
A torment you always fail to understand
If you could end it all you would
Pierce a bullet through your heart
You've more than suffered for your love
You deserve a brand new start
#11
I love you but I'm leaving
As my heart begins to bleed
I love you but I'm tired
From all the gritting of my teeth
I love you and I'm sorry
I never wanted it to end
I love you but I'm broken
Bitter longings fill my head
I love you but it's over
You never fought for me to stay
I love you
But now there's nothing left to say
#10
When you give someone too many chances
Brought on by a soft heart and too many glances
Across a room that was once full of hope
Now there's an echo from the words you've revoked
And all the calm that predated the storm
Got mislaid and exists somewhere, somewhat forlorn
And recovery seems a little farfetched
When you're still bleeding from the hole in your chest