It's safe to open your eyes now.

So, we've rolled into February and oh, what a glorious month it's already turning into!  In fact, this very morning, I was awoken by the light of the sun, gently beaming in through the crevice between the curtain and the wall.  Its rays hitting my eyelids like a gentle prod, encouraging me to get up and get moving.  Looking out to the back courtyard and seeing everything clearly for the first time in months, how could I not have wanted to leap out of bed!

Okay, okay, it's not spring just yet and yes, there are still patches of snow lingering on the ground, but I can't help but feel this immeasurable bubbling excitement in the pit of my stomach.  It's the onset of change.  Can you feel it?  It's mounting.  There is no denying that.

Maybe six months ago that feeling would have soaked me in fear induced sweat.  I mean, let's face it, change is kinda like a dirty word, isn't it.  Yet, somewhere between last summer's heartache and this winter's heartache, I've kind of learnt to embrace it.  Now it's more like something I look forward to, something I crave even and boy do I crave it right now!

It's like they say, 'time flies when you're having fun' and the warmer months are nearly always fun, aren't they?  Bicycle rides, bare skin, sweet kisses and a plethora of adventures and colourful food.  Whereas winter on the other hand...Well, it's all grey skies, dark days, damp clothes and huddling for warmth around any heated implement you can find!  Of course it seems long!  Every moment aches by like a lifetime!

Well guys, I feel as though I can finally see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel...Or in real talk, I can finally see the sun breaking through the grey Berlin skyline and it appears as though spring is definitely prepping itself for launch!  I can't deny I really need this.  I desperately need that boost of vitamin D.  I need to be able to bear witness to the tiny bursts of colour, breaking through the hardened frosty ground.  I need those abysmal temperatures to rise, just a few tiny degrees and to be able to leave at least one layer behind, when I walk out the door.  Spring, I need you!

Winter's been long and arduous and in truth, there were several times whereby I found myself tempted to escape, but in the end, it seems as though the Rabbi was right; sometimes you just need to stick it out, because, when you get through to the warmer months, it's almost like a grand achievement, knowing you've made it through to the other side.

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{Lately on Instagram}

Is it just me, or are the weeks flying by like days?  I'm sure it was only Saturday a minute ago!  Although, having said that, January feels as though it has been the longest month.  I guess it always does though.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I mean, I'm really looking forward to Spring and of course Summer, more than you know, but at the same time, I can't help but feel conscious of how quickly time passes and I don't want to wish it away.  Not at all.  In fact, I'm trying to soak in every moment as much as is humanly possible.

Last week felt like such a blur of activity and thus, this week seemed quintessentially subdued by comparison.  In truth, I spent a large part of it gently going through the motions; eating, grocery shopping, film watching, doing yoga and of course, my favourite activity, sleeping!  It was a gentle and relaxing few days to myself, yet when a friend asked me what I'd done, answering 'not much really', admittedly made me feel a little self-conscious at first, but then I had to question why.  Because for me, the most important thing in life is simply to be happy and happiness of course, is a unique thing.  Everyone finds it in varying guises.

Personally, there are times when I am keen to be very social and then there are other times, when I simply prefer my solitude.  Then there are moments I find myself wanting to be active, followed by periods whereby I would rather be still.  I think these juxtapositions are most likely applicable to the majority of people and I believe that to appreciate and honour these differing moods, is both important and key to finding and maintaining happiness.  Because, if we're constantly attempting to adapt our behaviour, so that it can be deemed acceptable by others, then we'll never truly find acceptance with ourselves and it is that very acceptance, that creates a sense of harmony in our lives.  A feeling of which we need, in order to maintain our very happiness.

So, after spending a large part of the week silently ambling through the days, I found myself at Neue Heimat's Jazzy Berlin Jam Session on Friday night, drinking red wine (my first drink in eight months), listening to good music and chatting incessantly with friends.  Cue late night walks in the snow, rolling in at 4am and a Saturday, that's been heavily disguised as a Sunday.  I think it was a good end to a long month in fairness.  Roll on February, that's what I say!

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{Lately on Instagram}

Remember in the Spring and Summer months last year, when life was all bicycle rides, reading in parks, falling in love and eating cake with friends at cute cafes?  Yeah, I miss those months.  They were great, weren't they.  Now that we're in the depths of Winter, whilst admittedly a mild one, it seems as though all the romanticism that I know life has to offer, has dissipated and left only the dregs to cling to.

Each and every morning (in all honesty, I use the term 'morning' very loosely here), I find myself struggling more and more, to throw back the duvet and force myself out of bed and into the frosty antarctic, that has become the Berlin apartment I inhabit.  When I eventually do manage to encourage myself to peel away the layers, I then face the somewhat gruesome battle of the bathroom.  Stripping my clothes off and hopping in the shower, provokes intense wincing and I equally grimace every time I go to get dressed, finding myself pulling on the same damn pair of DM's, I've been sporting for the past two years now.  Did I happen to mention how much I loathe Winter?  Because I do, I really, really do.

I admire anyone who is able to thrive in this environment.  Those that embrace the cold and are able to find sartorial comfort.  Unfortunately, the majority of my wardrobe is currently made up of thin sheer blouses, loose fitting T-shirts and vintage leather running shorts.  This does not a winter ensemble make and thus, I am finding the perpetual uniform of boots, jeans and sweaters achingly dire and misery inducing.

I am attempting to make the most of these grim dark days though, honestly I am.  For starters, I've invested in lots of deliciously scented candles (found for a mere few cents down at Rossmann), which are helping to give my bedroom a cosy, softly lit atmosphere, in the evening, as I usually huddle for dear life next to the radiator, wrapped up in my pyjamas.  I also bought a few more pens for my Mandala colouring book, because as far as I'm concerned, spending evenings listening to jazz whilst colouring in, is perfectly acceptable as you approach thirty.  I also received a much appreciated care package, from Mère and G this week, which included a couple of my favourite DVDs - A Single Man and Amélie.  So, nights in are pretty prepped.

As far as venturing out though, I have been forcing myself to do that more too, as I know how much of a hermit I have a tendency to become in the Winter and really, whilst it's perfectly acceptable and even indeed, somewhat necessary at times to take a back seat and enjoy some solitude, I think there is a limit and after the quietude of Christmas, I was certainly reaching crisis point when it came to my own company!

Thus, on top of my usual yoga schedule (which I have tried not to get too fanatical about), this past week I have: made friends and gone for falafel with a bearded vegan New Yorker from yoga, taken a trip to Markthalle Nuen's Thursday Street Food Market, to indulge in my favourite Bao Burger, with a cute German man shape for company, taken strolls around Friedrichshain with my Australian friend, happily stumbling across an awesome new cupcake cafe on Krossener Straße in the process, which happens to offer a plethora of vegan options to rival the Cupcake Cafe in Margate (if you haven't been yet, you really should) and, after exchanging emails during last summer, finally met and made friends with my fellow Brit, now Berlin neighbour and editor of the dope ass Shlur magazine, over a glass of wasser in one of our many local bars.

This weekend is looking to be equally as packed, as I am continually attempting to find new things to do, in order to stop myself stagnating indoors.

What about you guys, got any plans?

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