Ciao ragazzi!

 

After three months away, I am back in Italia, soaking up the sun in Roma.  It feels good to be back.  Although I am here for work, it feels strangely more like a vacation.  The weather is sublime, with temperatures near to thirty degrees & today, I have been strolling around town, taking in the atmosphere.  Whilst my time in Italia overall, has shown me I don't wish to settle in the country, I really do enjoy my visits & spending time here.

I've actually really missed the language, the rolling 'r's & the avid hand gestures.  Whilst cycling through the streets of Berlin, I am constantly shouting 'che fai!' at people in my head, as I continually swerve round cars & people who seem to feel the need to get in my way.  It's nice to be able to practice & improve my Italian.  In fact, today, I had a few people come up to me asking me in Italian for information about the metro.  I think it's the tan, they don't think I'm English, although, I'm not convinced they think I'm Italian either.  I've started to be able to respond nearly entirely in Italian, although, I always start with "parlo solo un po d'Italiano."  Perhaps by the end of the month I shall have etched a little closer to fluency.

One thing I have not missed, is the excessive amount of food Italians eat.  On my first day back in the country, we had a two course lunch, consisting of pasta & then a light salad.  The same evening, we had a three course dinner, with the inclusion of pasta & salad once again, followed by pizza & ending with fruit & sorbet.  I was in pain.  Pasta & I are not the best of friends & I have since avoided its consumption & stuck to eating only the salad & fruit on offer.  I'd forgotten how late meal times were here too.  I've never understood the point of eating so late & then going to bed on a full stomach.

Equally, I have never understood the Italian obsession with disposable cups & plates.  If you are Italian & you happen to invite some friends round for dinner, you immediately pop down to the supermercato & pick up the disposables & shun the hoard of perfectly fine crockery in your cupboard, which seemingly never gets used.  Has this nation not clocked onto the financial & environmental pitfall of this love of plastic yet?  It seems not.

What I do love about Italians however, is their love of the sun.  As a summer baby & a Leo, I am never happier than when I am in full corpse pose, soaking up the heat & watching my naturally porcelain skin darken to a golden shade.  As I arrived in Italy on a bank holiday weekend, we took a trip to a lake, just north of the city & spent the day sunbathing & floating round the water in a pedalo.  It was blissful & I am now a rich shade of mahogany.

I have to say, that recently, I have started to feel more human again.  More myself to be precise.  Finally appreciating more & worrying less.  What did worrying ever achieve in any case, bar frown lines.  Today, as I sat outside the Pantheon, people watching & soaking up the sun, I nearly cried with the overwhelming feeling of gratitude I feel inside, that this is my life right now & how fortunate I am that this is the case.  Bellissima! 

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Release.

 
life

A strange thing happened to me the other day; I came out of yoga (yes, yes yoga again), it was a gloriously sunny day, I grabbed a vegan friendly pastry from the Biomarkt across the road, along with a handful of cherries & went to the park at Mariannenplatz, to soak up the rays & read a book.  All of a sudden, as I sat down, this wave of positivity washed over me & I just felt at ease & completely happy.

I wolfed down my pastry, smiling away to myself & wondered why I had ever worried about anything.  Why had I become so hung up on being homeless.  So against carrying on.  Resigned to a feeling of failure.  It was as though, in that moment, all of those feelings just fell away & suddenly everything just felt right.

Speaking to Katie later the next day, she described it as a 'second wind' & in some ways, that is just how it felt.  Somewhere, between the sunshine, the sugar & the vinyasa, I had gained new energy, renewed my faith & found some motivation to carry on.  Sure, it'd be great to have a home.  Finally, a place to call my own, but I trust that when the time is right, I'll find one.  In the meantime, why not embrace the journey, enjoy the ride.

The repetitive error that I know I seem to perpetually make is, over thinking & continually bringing a sense of expectancy with me, wherever I go, so that when things don't work out quite to plan, I feel as though somehow I've failed.  Disappointment kicks in, which throws me into a sense of loss & then all of a sudden, I'm out at sea, over-analysing every decision I make.  Running circles round myself, pulling my hair out, wondering why life is 'falling apart'.

Well, no more.  The first step to stopping a bad habit, is to first recognise & acknowledge it.  So I'm choosing to let go.  I'm choosing to trust.  I'm believing in myself, in life, in the process.  I'm going with the flow, wherever it chooses to take me.  Heck, I've got this far haven't I & what a journey it's been & one entirely without a plan!

On Sunday, I fly back to Rome for the month, after which I will be free to explore this world a little more.  I love Berlin & will be sobbing in the airport when I leave, but I accept that, if I'm not in a position to stay when I return in July, I will embrace the opportunity to go somewhere new.  Summer is coming, my birthday is approaching & the beach is calling.  I would still really like to spend some time in Croatia & visit Greece.  Maybe pick some fruit, soak up the sun, generally enjoy my life, I mean, after all, isn't that what it's for?

When the time is right, I trust that all the things my heart desires; a home, a job, a partner, they will all appear.  Until then, I guess I'm just gonna be busy living.

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Sun is shining, the weather is sweet.

 

After a tumultuous weekend, filled with rain, tears & a small coronary, I have left Prenzlauer Berg & am now safely tucked away with my bearded Swedish friend, in Wedding.   His small apartment comes complete with bare wood floors, white walls, high ceilings & most importantly, plenty of sunlight.  The weather this week has been kind & I for one am most thankful.  If there's one thing that helps to pull me out of a funk, it's the sun's warmth upon my bare skin.

Cycling to yoga in shorts & sandals has been unadulterated bliss, even if, at times, I do feel a little exposed.  The gentle movement from downward facing dog, to plank, up through to cobra, with the light beaming through the windows, puts a smile upon my face every time.  Everything, life itself even, just feels more positive when the sun is shining, don't you think.

I have been making the most of my last few weeks in Berlin, with the help of some new friends.  Tuesday saw myself & fellow Brit, Max, take a stroll to the Turkish market (Maybachufer, 10967 Kreuzberg), to peruse the eclectic mix of wares on offer.  We indulged in delicious chocolate sorbet afterwards, from my favourite gelateria, Eis Manufaktur (Graefestraße 7, 10967, Kreuzberg), whilst soaking up the rays on a street corner & then wandered off to Chaparro (Wienerstr. 15-A 10999, Kreuzberg), to fill our stomachs with burritos, before visiting the East side gallery.  The sun shone the whole day & I cycled home in the evening feeling very happy.

On Wednesday, I met up with the mystical anomaly that is tattoo artist Lus Lips (Loxodrom).  Magician, rabbi & all-round man of mystery, we sat down at Feibi's (Danzigerstraße 27, Prenzlauer Berg) for a scrumptious bowl of Thai soup, before heading round the corner for juice & a reading.  Turns out I'm very structured & now very intrigued.

Today, the sun is shining, I've sweat out my impurities through a tough class of vinyasa yoga & now, I am re-hydrating with a cool glass of juice, whilst I abuse the internet facilities at Lekkerurlaub (Graefestraße 89, 10967, Kreuzberg), a light, airy cafe, that plays very good jazz.  Soon, I shall head back into the heat & find a grassy patch in Görlitzer Park to nestle & read my book, whilst attempting to ignore the offers of weed from passing drug dealers.

I am hoping to take a trip to Markthalle (Eisenbahnstraße 42/43, 10997, Kreuzberg) with friends this evening, to indulge in the plethora of food on offer, during their Street Food Thursday.  I've been desperate to return since visiting it last year with Charlotte, but things never seem to work out, so my fingers are crossed for tonight.

Left on my list of things to do/see before I return to Rome are: lunch at Café Pfoertner, as recommended by Lilly from In a Pavilion, a night of dinner & drinks at Bite Club, a return visit to the Botanischer Garten, in order to actually see the grounds this time & finally, to take a stroll around the flea market at Mauerpark on Sunday afternoon.

Being without foundations is tough at times, the lack of grounding, but, ultimately, when I shake the fear away, life on the road isn't really that bad.

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