{Insightful Sunday} See the beauty in everything.

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Well, it's safe to say that the past few weeks have been intense. We've been through several super full and new moons over the past few months and I personally have felt their effects heavily. I can be a sensitive little bean at times and I have a tendency to pick up a lot, from a little. My sleep patterns have been completely off, my eyes have at times been blind from tears and my heart...shattered.

Some days all I wanted was to shut off and zone out. Escape from life completely. However hard it gets though, I still find myself getting up and getting on with things and ultimately, every single day, I still find something to smile about. Whether it's something as silly as wearing a wide brimmed hat, confidently down the street, or finally accomplishing something pretty big and important, such as a work matter. I find that there is always something to be joyful about, if you're in the right mindset to see it.

Sometimes, it's those little things that make the big difference and can change your perspective on everything. Such as today, when, after yet another sleepless night, I sat, bleary eyed in the kitchen and sifted through my Instagram timeline. Berlin, Rome, Paris, Florence, Sicily, all my travels laid out in front of me and even the snaps from before, when I was still living on the coast. I had (another) little cry just looking at them all, but this time, they were tears of joy and overwhelming gratitude.

How often do I take this life of mine for granted. How quick am I to forget everything I've done, all the things I've seen, all the places I've visited. From time to time, I seem to allow myself to wallow, feeling stressed and anxious at how unstable my life is. I have no steady income, no permanent address and now, a broken heart to throw into the mix.  At times, it's hard not to feel like crumbling into Berlin's cobbled streets, allowing passing cyclists to casually use me as a speed bump.

However, today, looking back through those photos, I realised how perfect and indeed amazing it has all been, even with the seemingly negative events and incidents that have occurred along the way. It's been a wonderful life, it really has and one that I am so incredibly grateful for. It has made me who I am today and in turn it has brought me to this amazing city, surrounded by the most wonderful people, who have helped me more than I could ever have expected or asked. I am so incredibly fortunate.

Whilst the future is so uncertain and I am unable to know what is to come, how things will work out, where I will end up and with whom, I can only trust that having got this far on faith alone, that the future will be magical, in its own way. I trust that any troubles that arise, will be things I know I have the strength to deal with. I think sometimes, you just have to let go. Of the fear, the expectation, the anxiety, everything that holds you back and just give in to the moment. Because when you look around and see how wonderful things are, you realise that you have nothing to worry about.

Ultimately, life is what you make it. There is the potential for all, depending on your own outlook. The world is a direct reflection of you, if you feel negative, you will only be able to see the negative aspects of the world around you. So believe, in yourself and in life and through your own positivity, you will start to see all the beauty in the world. All the glorious aspects of your environment, which will lift your spirits and help inspire you to go on, again and again. It's a wonderful world, if you only choose to see it.

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{Insightful Sunday} Actions speak louder than words.

Those that know me personally, know that I am a rather talkative individual, although, I think it's fair to say, that occasionally it seems as though I talk a lot, without really saying anything at all.  A particular habit that I have recently become aware of though, is that of my tendency to perhaps over-share.  I have always been a very open person & I can't say that I harbour many skeletons in my closet, but perhaps at times, I find myself opening up to the wrong people, or at inappropriate times.

Especially it seems, when it comes to dating.  I seem to continually find myself passing on information about my relationship history to potential suitors, like a standardised CV, perhaps under the misguided view that in being open & honest, laying it all out on the line, my historical errors won't come back to haunt me.  Only I've come to realise that perhaps my dragging up the past & pushing it into my potential future, isn't a healthy way to deal with things.

In fact, it's made me realise that perhaps I was failing to learn anything at all.  When it comes to dating, the one thing you have to accept, is that everyone has a past & something that is equally important to learn is, to simply leave it there.  We all come with baggage, some good, some horrifically bad.  The important thing is that we are who we are & where we are because of it & that's something we'd be well inclined to remember.

Of course things will arise & there will be occasions whereby we feel it necessary, or even cathartic to discuss our past relationships within the context of our current ones, but the idea is that everything we have been through has taught us something & every new relationship, is a chance to put into practice those hard learned lessons.  This is where it's important to take stock & do, rather than say.

Sometimes I find that I verbally process things, rather than do so internally & I can see how this can cause conflict within my relationships.  Knowing when to shut up, can be the hardest lesson at times.  Being able to leave your past behind you, in order to focus on what's in front of you can, admittedly be a challenge & occasionally, when you've gone through quite a life-changing process with someone in the past, it can be hard not to want to share that with someone new, as if to express to them 'you don't know what I've been through to be the person I am now!'

Yet, we have to learn to express this change & evolvement through our behaviour, not our words.  Start to actually be the change, rather than just conceptualise it.  It's also a good way to be present.  To be absorbed in who you're with at that moment.  Rather than always dwelling so passionately in the past, perhaps sometimes in a naive attempt at validating your current behavioural patterns.

I've always spoken very honestly & openly about my relationships, the highs, the lows & the bitter heartbreaks.  That is who I am & I don't wish to change that, but perhaps now, as I begin to gravitate towards the idea of being in someone's life again, I will try to be more conscious of leaving the past firmly behind & attempt to put into practice the lessons I've learned, from what has been a rich, if not sometimes difficult, relationship history.

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{Insightful Sunday} Self-Belief

There can be a very fine line between self-confidence & arrogance.  Trying to manage the perception of the former, so as to avoid appearing to be the latter, can often prove difficult, especially when you have invested a lot of that confidence & self-belief into something others simply either don't understand, or can't see to be viable.

Often in life, we fail to aim for the things that our heart desires, because we are surrounded by people who tell us that we are being unrealistic, either in our approach, or our goal.  They perceive that what we intend to achieve is nothing short of impossible, impractical or overly optimistic.  They are the naysayers & the fearmongers, who like to hold us back, so as to keep themselves content, in their own state of lacking.

Sometimes it's important to separate yourself from others, allow yourself to be in your own company & ask 'am I being unrealistic.'  If when asked the question, you feel a gentle, but distinctive, buzz of excitement in your gut, that feeds your desire to prove those who would doubt you wrong, then the answer is no.  It is that very grumble of energy that lets you know, you're on the right path.  As difficult & unrealistic as it may sometimes appear.

Believing in yourself is one of the key elements to succeeding in anything.  No one can see your dream as you do.  Even if you were to describe it, down to the minute detail, you would find that others conjure up different visions to your own.  It's also important to recognise, that everyone is on their own journey, having reached where they are by varying paths.

These different experiences are what individually feed us & our drive for something, but equally so, it can be those same differences that pull each other's ideas & dreams apart.  We must remember that each of us reach our destination via different methods & routes & to respect & accept those differences, we help to encourage other's objectives & aspirations, instead of tainting them with criticism, based from our own experience.

There is not one solution to every problem.  There is not one road to every destination.  Our journey is as individual as we are & we should remember that when faced with opposition.  Remember, if you don't believe in yourself & your direction, then it's likely that others will doubt as well.  This is not to say that it is easy, especially should you choose to set yourself up with a seemingly impossible task, however, it is that same self-belief that fires up your dogged determination, which in turn is what picks you up & pushes you on, when everyone is telling you to give up & life itself is throwing you a curve ball or two.

Of course, self-belief comes with confidence & if you are meek & timid & find yourself unable to speak up, you will most likely be lacking in it.  There will no doubt be that grumble hiding deep inside yourself, but where is the confidence to let it out.  It needs to be fed by your belief in its ability to turn from a simple grumble, into a seismic roar.  You may be afraid that you're unable to be as ferocious as you need to be, but believe me, your fear itself is the only thing to be afraid of here.

When you want something enough, when it's all that fills your mind & excites your soul, then you must trust that you are capable of achieving it.  You must believe in your ability to create that which you see in your mind.  You must have the confidence to stand against the people who will doubt you & know that you can prove them wrong.  Don't waste another second doubting what you already know to be true.  Believe in yourself & the rest will happen.

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