Milk & Honey

Since starting my Happiness Project & implementing my first resolution - Own less, love more, I'd come to realise I'd only been applying it to the big stuff, i.e. possessions.  I realised that I still wasn't being mindful of what I was spending money on in general.

Having been in Rome for the past two weeks, I've managed to avoid spending much money & the little I have spent, I've thought more carefully about.  This change has made me realise how unnatural it feels to go days without spending money, it's almost like an unusual concept to me.  I find it almost a compulsive habit to spend some amount of money each day, yet I don't know why.

Supermarkets, especially, are like my nemesis.  Even if I know I don't need anything, just being in them makes me feel the need to buy something.  Coming across one the other day, in the city's centre, I had to mentally check myself, 'I don't need anything,' before forcing myself to walk past.  Is this part of the subliminal message of consumerism?  Have I been under the influence the whole time without realising!?  I'm starting to think this might be the case.

It's no longer just a case of walking into Cos & asking myself if I need that fourth white T-shirt, now it's really about, do I need that daily gelato, or that overpriced juice, when I have a bottle of water in my bag.  Okay, this sounds slightly anal, but honestly, how many times do we needlessly spend money on little things that we don't really need, just to satisfy the compulsion to spend money?

Admittedly, I have a whole host of issues around food.  Having always been bean pole thin growing up, I gained a lot of weight when I left school.  Mostly due to the cessation of playing sports daily & my somewhat large appetite, that never decreased in accordance.  When my parents separated & mère & I went to stay with family, a combination of my new state of depression & a few, somewhat misplaced, jovial comments on my weight from family members, left me with a complex.

Cue excessive exercising & an acute bout of anorexia, which took over a year of my life & left my relationship with both my body & food in tatters, still to this day.  Now when I 'treat' myself to something like a pastry, I get caught in the confusion as to whether it's a treat because I'm spending money on something I don't realistically need, or because it's something I don't feel I should be eating.  Needless to say, regardless of an answer, I always suffer from post-indulgence guilt.

Having spent the past two weeks reframing from this mindless spending around food, I've managed to save a fair amount of money to take back to Berlin with me & I've saved myself a lot of guilt.  Although, after one tremendously hot day in the city, whereby temperatures reached forty degrees, I couldn't resist the impulse to procure a dollop of, vegan friendly, gelato from Fatamorgana, an organic gelatoria I'd stumbled upon.

It was a two scoop as standard affair & so, after choosing a chocolate, coffee & hazelnut flavour, I asked the guy serving to recommend a complimentary flavour.  He suggested ginger & pineapple.  Not something I would usually go for, but I gave it a go.  I walked out into the street, cone in hand, feeling gleeful.  The chocolate flavour was amazing, but when it came to the ginger & pineapple, it was bitterly disappointing & ended up in the bin.  I tried not to feel guilty about spending money on something that felt wasted.  Note to self, listen to your gut & always ask to try an unusual flavour before committing.  Lesson learnt.

I think when I get back to Berlin, I shall be even more inclined to keep to this resolution.  So often do I find myself strolling the streets after yoga, a little bored & in search of entertainment & end up at the chocolate cafe across the road, buying a chocolate muffin, for the third time in as many days, despite knowing I have fruit in my bag.  Or when I end up in a vegan cafe, with a thick milkshake & a huge slice of cake, both of which end up giving me cramps for the following three hours, due to my soy intolerance.

Spending money on things you end up regretting, is as bad as spending money on things you end up forgetting.  It's not just about cutting down on the things you can see, like those new shoes in your closet, it's equally about all the things you don't see.  All the cups of tea, or coffee, or the cakes & the snacks.  Of course it's nice to go have lunch occasionally with friends, but it's the daily 'indulgences' that end up being both the wallet & weight offenders.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

— Mahatma Gandhi

Time to start being that change.

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{Resolution 1} Own less, love more.

The first resolution I intend to keep to, is to 'own less, love more'.  I've touched on this subject quite a lot in the last ten months & I think it's a really important subject.  In our modern western society, we constantly get fed the message of CONSUME!  Whether it's through the magazines we read, or the television shows we watch, even down to the Instagram snaps we find ourselves liking, there is a persistent subliminal message, that what we have is not enough.

If you think of all the things you once hoped for & how it made you feel to finally acquire them, how many of those things do you now take for granted?  How many sit forgotten about in dusty drawers, or in boxes crammed under beds, or left, stagnating at the back of a wardrobe.  You see, we have so much & yet, how many of us still feel as though we need more.

It's important when you get to this stage, to take a step back, really take in what you have.  Think realistically about the things you find yourself wanting.  Do you really need them?  Probably not.  Take some time to make space, really go through your possessions.  Uncover some hidden treasures you forgot you had.  Finally throw out that ill-fitting pair of jeans you've had lingering around for years.  Cleanse yourself of the excess.  The less you have, the higher your appreciation will be.

Having sold almost everything I own, down to the contents of my wardrobe, I am left with just three boxes & two suitcases of possessions, which include; my favourite books, DVDs, a seemingly large amount of paperwork, my collection of nicknacks,  my photos, a small box packed with sentimental clippings, from cards, to gig tickets & the like, a few clothes I couldn't bare to part with & my dad's ashes.  That's it.  Although painful to part with at first, I soon came to realise, that for the most part, there were so many things I had, that it turned out, I could so easily live without.

There's always the old adage, 'you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.'  Those words have never rung more true than now.  I didn't know what I had, because I had so much of what I wanted, that I never appreciated anything.  Then, suddenly, it was gone & I've spent the past ten months, pining over a fair few things; my beloved pink Smeg fridge, my beautiful ivory wrought iron bed, in fact, just my home in general really.  Two years spent painting, wallpapering, hanging pictures & lights, filling every nook & cranny with personal pieces, investing my time & my emotion into creating a home, a refuge.

Ultimately though, if there's no appreciation, there's no love & without love, there really is nothing.  It's been a heartbreaking separation, but, ultimately, in the end, it's been strangely healing too.  Now, I'm more mindful when spending my money on things.  I take the time to really think about what I'm buying.  "Do I need this?"  "No."  "So, do I love it?!"  If it's a yes, then I buy it, if it's a no, then it's just another thing I don't need to be carting about with me on the road.

I really don't need more than one pair of black sandals.  I really don't need more than one scarf & I definitely don't need three watch options.  In fact, it turns out, there's quite a lot of things I don't actually need!  Which is why I now go by the 90/10 rule;  90% need, 10% want.  If you put your needs first & they're met, then a little treat of something you don't need, but that you'll love & appreciate is perfectly acceptable.  At the end of the day, how many people spend forty or more hours a week at work, earning a salary, only to waste that money on things they don't need.  Things that will be bought at whim & forgotten about in days.  Things that ultimately aren't bringing them any real happiness.

It's such a waste.  If we really thought more about what we need, then we'd start to appreciate more so the things we buy, that we simply just want.  Things would become more of a treat, rather than a simple expectation, brought on by the "we earned it, we'll spend it" mentality.  Maybe we'd realise that what we actually need is far less than we thought.  Perhaps we'd start to want less too, as a result.  Then, maybe, just maybe, we'd see that we don't need to constantly be striving to earn more.  Maybe we'd choose to work less & spend more of our time doing something we actually enjoy!  Well, it could happen!

Many years ago, I remember I got a promotion at work & with it a pay increase.  Suddenly I became wholly preoccupied with how I was going to spend this extra money.  Then a friend said to me; "The more you earn, the more things you'll find to spend it on."  It was so true & it really made me think.  When we let ourselves get carried away, obsessing about all the things we think we want, we could honestly never earn enough.  Because now it might be that new designer bag, but next week it might be the sports car & after that, well, you'll be onto yachts.  When will enough really be enough?

For me, now, it's about separating desire & maybe a little social pressure, from what it is I truly need.  Once you can see the difference, you really do start to appreciate the little things more & more.  Tomorrow, I am going into the city centre on a mission to purchase a new electric toothbrush.  It's such a simple thing, yet, I know I will be gleeful getting it out of the packaging & using it for the first time.  It is both a want & a need.  A useful treat, if you will.  Had I have been so giddy over an electrical appliance ten months ago (don't let your mind wander there…), I doubt it. 

“Never let the things you want, make you forget the things you have.”

— Unknown

N.B.  All photos accompanying my Happiness Project posts will be taken from one of my Pinterest boards, which hosts all the images that make me happy.  Feel free to check it out in the meantime, for more happy snaps.

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